19th Time's the Charm

Pictured above: Jessica checking her mail

WINONA LAKE, IN: After checking her mailbox for the 19th time today, Freshman student, Jessica McCormick finally received a Valentines Day card.

"It's about time!" shouted Jessica after spending five minutes fumbling to get her box open. After shuffling through pointless papers advertising events she has no interest in, Jessica spotted her one and only Valentines Day card.

"My mind was racing so fast, I tried to play it cool so those around me wouldn't notice, but i'm sure they did."

What happened next was Jessica's, and every other girls', worst nightmare. "I was really hoping it would be from that cute guy who was in my breakout group. I mean, we were both ESTP's so we would be "totes compats" (editors note: apparently that is short for totally compatible). Jessica's card wasn't from the cute ESTP, in fact, it wasn't even from her parents. This year it looks like Jessica's only Valentine will be from Dr. Limes, her dentist from back home.

Pictured above: Jessica's only Valentines Day card

Jessica was first concerned when she opened up the card and saw a picture of a tooth on the cover. According to Jessica, the inside of the card read, "Roses are red, violets are blue, it's time for your annual check-up, too!"

"I was so mad!" explained a still upset Jessica. "It would be one thing if my dentist was cute, but he's 64 years old and smells like mothballs. I didn't even recycle the card, that's how mad I was."

Despite today's disappointment, Jessica remains optimistic. "Hey, Easter is coming up right? I can't think of a better time for someone to express their love to me. Well, besides today..."