Couple Starts Dating After Meeting in Assassins

WINONA LAKE, IN: The popular campus-wide game, "assassins" has returned to the campus of Grace College. For those not familiar with the game, the concept is simple. Each participant is armed with a squirt gun and the name of their "target". Students take whatever means necessary to "kill" their target and move on to the next.

Despite assassins beginning today, it appears that this game can be credited as being a matchmaker on campus. When Anthony Johnson woke up this morning he never would have imagined he would meet the girl of his dreams, especially after squirting her with water. But according to Anthony, that's exactly what happened.

"It's just crazy!" stated a still lovestruck Anthony. "I had tried everything to meet the girl of my dreams. I tried Lancer Love, but that was a flop. I even signed up for Marriage and Family because I heard tons of girls take that class."

Pictured above: The weapon used to find love

"I spent a good three hours last night trying to find this girl on Facebook, turns out she's one of those hipster girls who doesn't follow the crowd. So after going through dozens of google results, I finally found her blog on Xanga. Not only did I know what she looked like, but I also knew that on Tuesday, April 4th, 2007, "she had a terrible day at school." After some additional research, I found out she has an 8:00am class in the science center. Thankfully I had the foreseeability to bring my full camo suit to school (my mom said it wasn't necessary, boy was she wrong!). So this morning I hid in the bushes infront of the science center and jumped out when she approached. Thankfully I play enough Halo, so my aim was perfect. I got her with a kill shot, right to the face! After she dried her face we struck up a conversation. I never knew it was so easy. Turns out later tonight we're going to go to Alpha for dinner and then walk down to the lake. And to think, all of this was made possible because of a game."

According to Anthony, the couple plans to take it slow and "maybe wait three months before getting engaged."

Student Files Lawsuit Against Grace College

Pictured above: Alex Owl preparing for his trial.

WINONA LAKE: Grace College is experiencing difficult times this week after a student has announced he will be be suing the school.

Sophomore student Alex Owl has officially announced that he will be suing Grace College for not clearly explaining what to expect when it comes to weather, specifically Winter. Owl, who has been less than pleased with the brutal winter conditions had the idea after taking Dr. Bill Gordon’s class, “Business Law.” Having passed the class with an A, Alex now believes he has the skill set necessary to take Grace College to court and come out victorious.

Alex, who is a Business major, is looking to sue Grace for false advertising. Alex believes he is entitled to pain and suffering damages, at which he estimates to be worth $15,000.

“It’s just not right. The admissions office should have told me what to expect when I was looking to come here. I’m a Cali boi!! I heard this place had some legit lakes that I could do some wakeboarding on,” explained Owl. Alex can now be found huddled up in his cold Beta room, tweeting about his troubles. One recent tweet from Owl describes his displeasure towards the weather “#thatawkwardmomentwhen your hair freezes walking to chapel.  #smh #indianawinter #missinghome.” Even some of Owl’s friends have gotten annoyed. “It’s at the point where literally the only thing the kid talks about is the weather,” said Alex’s RA.

Grace was not available for comment, but it is safe to assume Dr. Gordon will be representing Grace College.