Student Pulls Lame April Fools Joke That Only Makes Him Less Popular

Andrew in response to seeing his Mom's post.

WINONA LAKE, IN - If you were to go on to Andrew Hall’s Facebook page right now, what you wouldn’t see is Andrew’s correct birthday of September 23rd.

A couple weeks ago, Andrew reportedly got the bright idea that it would be hilarious if he changed his birthday to April 1st, just to see how many people would write on his wall. Unfortunately for Andrew, his ploy to receive this undeserved ego boost has completely backfired leaving him with permanent and extremely public humiliation.

One of Andrew’s roommates, Pete Rush, reported that he remembered seeing Andrew wake up earlier than usual on April 1st and immediately checking his Facebook. “Yeah, I knew about Andrew’s little ‘joke’ he had going,” said Rush when asked about that morning. “I don’t remember a lot, but I do know he was extra giddy and extra annoying. He got on his computer and I won’t ever forget when out of nowhere he yelled, ‘No, Mom, No!’, just like a little girl.”  Apparently what Andrew forgot to take into account was that while many of his friends didn’t know his real birthday, his mother did!

After Andrew’s mom’s first post of the day, which completely foiled his whole sham, the comments rolled in making fun of his plan. In an attempt to correct his blunder, Andrew’s next post claimed that his account had been, “HACKED!! Good one roomies...”. While this did help slow down some of the attacks, the damage had already been done because Veronica (Andrew’s crush who has been way out of his league since they passed each other in the hallway that one time) had already posted on his wall for all to see.

Andrew reluctantly talked to us saying, “Well, this isn’t exactly how I wanted to end my Freshman year. I could see my popularity rising and I thought this would be a good test of just that!”

Andrew plans on being the very first student to transfer out of Grace’s main campus for the Detroit sister school where he will undoubtedly be much more comfortable surrounded by fellow homeschoolers, even if it is just one other student.

Couple Starts Dating After Meeting in Assassins

WINONA LAKE, IN: The popular campus-wide game, "assassins" has returned to the campus of Grace College. For those not familiar with the game, the concept is simple. Each participant is armed with a squirt gun and the name of their "target". Students take whatever means necessary to "kill" their target and move on to the next.

Despite assassins beginning today, it appears that this game can be credited as being a matchmaker on campus. When Anthony Johnson woke up this morning he never would have imagined he would meet the girl of his dreams, especially after squirting her with water. But according to Anthony, that's exactly what happened.

"It's just crazy!" stated a still lovestruck Anthony. "I had tried everything to meet the girl of my dreams. I tried Lancer Love, but that was a flop. I even signed up for Marriage and Family because I heard tons of girls take that class."

Pictured above: The weapon used to find love

"I spent a good three hours last night trying to find this girl on Facebook, turns out she's one of those hipster girls who doesn't follow the crowd. So after going through dozens of google results, I finally found her blog on Xanga. Not only did I know what she looked like, but I also knew that on Tuesday, April 4th, 2007, "she had a terrible day at school." After some additional research, I found out she has an 8:00am class in the science center. Thankfully I had the foreseeability to bring my full camo suit to school (my mom said it wasn't necessary, boy was she wrong!). So this morning I hid in the bushes infront of the science center and jumped out when she approached. Thankfully I play enough Halo, so my aim was perfect. I got her with a kill shot, right to the face! After she dried her face we struck up a conversation. I never knew it was so easy. Turns out later tonight we're going to go to Alpha for dinner and then walk down to the lake. And to think, all of this was made possible because of a game."

According to Anthony, the couple plans to take it slow and "maybe wait three months before getting engaged."

Coach K Receives Call From President Obama

Pictured above: Barack Obama talks to Coach Kessler

WINONA LAKE, IN: It isn’t everyday that Coach Kessler receives a call from the President of the United States; it’s about once a week.

According to coach K, “When I looked down and saw a restricted number calling my phone I figured it was just my boy Mark Soto calling to talk about the last episode of “Toddlers and Tiaras”. If I had known it was going to be Obama I probably wouldn’t have answered the phone saying, “talk to me Marky!”

It turns out the President was calling to congratulate Coach K on his recent MCC championship. “Let me ask you something Kessler. Why am I the one that has to call you after the championship? You know I’ve been busy and wasn’t able to watch the game! I kind of expected at least a text update or something," said a frustrated Obama.

When Coach K asked Obama if he was planning on traveling to Branson to support the team, Obama replied, “Well K, I’m not gonna lie, gas prices these days are a little steep. But with the country already trillions of dollars in debt, what’s another $500,000? Besides, the Red Zone could certainly use my support...”

New Sensation: 'Duking' Sweeps Campus

The pose that started the phenomenon.

WINONA LAKE, IN - It all started in the early 2000’s with a phenomenon called ‘parkour’; this was essentially street gymnastics. Then several years later, those not athletic enough for parkour started a new trend to make themselves feel cool: ‘planking’. Planking evolved into ‘Batmanning’, which turned into ‘gargoyling’, which eventually turned into ‘tebowing’. Today there are a host of different ways for un-athletic people to stand on various landmarks and buildings.

Just when you thought the list couldn’t get any longer, and this concept couldn’t evolve any higher, it did. Grace College students have started a new trend: ‘Duking’. This trend is named after star basketball player Duke Johnson. When Grace plays for the MCC men’s basketball title tonight expect to see many students ‘Duking’ whenever duke does his signature move (which is scoring points in any way).

What exactly is duking? Just take a look at the picture and see for yourself. Even Obama has heard about ‘Duke-sanity’ and can be seen duking with the prime minister of Russia in the picture below.

President Obama 'Duking' with while Prime Minister Putin is 'Putining'.

Occupy Grace: The 1% Takes on the 99%

WINONA LAKE, IN - It’s that time of the year again; the time when all of Grace’s on-campus students will be held hostage by their RA’s and RD’s for the pre-spring break hall meetings. Though these meetings normally fade into the endless oblivion of monotony and intermittent naps, tonight’s meetings might be slightly different.

There is a large rally and protest planned to take place during the hall meetings. The off campus students are protesting the fact that Grace Student life doesn’t provide off campus students with some sort of ‘hall meeting’.  It is rumored that the small minority of Grace students who live off campus are calling themselves the ‘1%’.
 
A spokesman for this group, sophomore Timothy Van Der Smort, had this to say, “We are the 1% who don’t get these great hall meetings! I mean this is blatant discrimination against those of us who live off campus. We may only be 1% but the 99% has to respect our rights. I mean just because I’m awesome and got married freshman year and live off campus doesn’t mean I don’t want the opportunity to sleep through meetings.”
Dean of Student Affairs, Jim Swanson, had this to say in response to the potential protests, “This is just ridiculous! I mean why should we waste time and resources on these students. They’re not paying to live on campus so they don’t get to enjoy our meetings. These meetings cover some really important information, and that isn’t free. Without these meetings, how would kids know to clean our fridges and vacuum floors?”
 

Pictured above: Li'l Sebastian and officer Farva "tebowing"

It is rumored that campus safety has rented three Shetland ponies from a local Amish farm. The plan is to deploy mounted riot police.  Apparently the ponies offer a couple distinct advantages. Firstly, they are a better platform to attack protesters than from a vehicle. Secondly, and most importantly, they can’t be accidentally backed into a ditch.
 
The rally is expected to garner some major crowds; up to 10 off campus students expected. It is even rumored that one kid from Orchard Manner who feels like he lives off campus might skip his meeting to join the rally, ‘just for kicks and giggles.’

Student Affairs Creates Survey to Evaluate Surveys

WINONA LAKE, IN: When students first hear the words "Grace College", the fourth word that typically comes to mind is "surveys" (the first three obviously being character, competence, service). Grace College has been known to send out surveys about Alpha Dining, RA evaluations, Physical Plant, teacher evaluations, etc.


According to Dr. Jim Swanson, students can expect to find another survey in their inbox in the next few days. "We received some feedback from students who felt that Grace was sending too many surveys. Wanting to hear from the student body directly, we decided to do the natural thing and put together a survey, asking what students thought about all of the surveys".


Not everyone is on board with the surveys. According to Freshman, Bryan Owens, "the constant barrage of emailed surveys is really starting to annoy me. The only survey I would consider taking is one about Campus Safety, and ironically, that's the only department that doesn't survey us."


However, not all students feel inconvenienced by the surveys. Alpha resident, Analise-Marie Bowers, says she loves the continuous surveying. "I just think that it is so great that the various departments at Grace care so much about us as students and want to hear our feedback. I love the surveys so much that my roommate and I even created out own survey to give to each to other to see how we can improve in being a roomie. It turns out I snore really loud and my roommate can't sleep at night. Without a survey this never would have been brought to my attention!"


Grace students aren't the only wanting to see changes in the evaluations and surveys. According to Tim Young, professor in the Art Department, "I'd like to see things flipped around. I'm tired of always stressing about my evaluations from students. I say, why not let professors evaluate the students? People are always giving us a hard time, but we're not the ones playing Temple Run and stalking people on Facebook during class".


Look for the survey about surveys within the next few days.

Grace College to Undergo More Change

WINONA LAKE, IN: Grace College is no more; the small liberal-arts school in the Midwest will now be known as Michael Harstine University. The name change comes on the heels of the announcement of the new Harstine Hall dormitory. The namesake of the change, Dr. Michael Thaddeus Harstine, has been the facilitator of the Orthopaedic Scholars Institute for nearly a decade now.

“I think this is a marvelous decision by the Board [of Trustees]”, chimed in Harstine, unasked. “I have always said that past performance is the best indicator of future performance. Obviously, my past performance speaks for itself.”

The name of the college is not the only new alteration. Many of the buildings will undergo a new name change as well. Alpha Dining will now be Harstine Dining Services, Mount Memorial Hall will be referred to as Michael’s Memorial Hall, the Orthopedic Capital Center is now the Harstine’s Capital Center or HCC, and all dormitories (both male and female) will bear the name of Harstine Dormitory.


“Knowing that we have multiple buildings named in honor of past great educators, Dr. Harstine became infuriated when he saw the article on the name changes,” shared Provost, Bill Katip. “He believed, and we agreed, that Dr. Harstine had reached a point in which we needed to honor him in a large way. He has been such a prize for Harstine University that we couldn’t pass up the opportunity to show him how much we appreciate his work. His past performance as been so overwhelming that we believed this was a good indicator of his future performance.”

Student Board Mistakenly Approves Modern Art

Pictured above: The new statue to be constructed

WINONA LAKE, IN – Senior and Student Board President Daniel Gray reluctantly reported this morning that a new modern art statue had been approved at the last board meeting, costing the school nearly $1,000.

“Needless to say I was shocked!” said Gray as he was trying to explain how such a blunder could occur. “I don’t remember ever signing off on any type of art. I think I can speak for the whole board when I say that any funding of the arts is purely accidental.”

The clause that essentially allowed for the construction of the statue was tucked away in the hefty 15-page packet that was passed out prior to the beginning of the meeting. Junior, and VP of the Student Board, Sarah Filman, wasn’t too surprised something like this happened. “That was a pretty big packet they passed out; normally it’s only like 10 pages. They could have thrown a new Engineering degree in those last five pages and it probably would have passed,” said Filman. “Wait, what was that? We just started one? Man, we must really not care anymore.”

The statue to be constructed will be a depiction of a 3-way plug entitled, “Gracies Get Plugged In.” BrandPoet, Grace’s marketing team, has praised the double meaning this statue will bring to campus. They believe this plug will inspire and excite students to get involved. The location for the statue will be in front of Alpha Hall; after all, that place could really use a facelift.    

Despite their best efforts, this isn’t the first time something like this has passed unnoticed by the Student Board. The closing of the Grille and Tree of Life for only one choice in subs for dinner and extremely burnt coffee from Jazzman’s can also be attributed to the Student Board’s lack of detailed attention, or attention at all.

However, this is an election year for most board members so we can rest assured that change will undoubtedly come soon. Besides, no member wants to hit the campaign trail with little to no results.     

Still Undecided? Let The Student Union Help!

Winona Lake, IN: Picking your college major is a crucial decision, one that will affect you for the rest of your life.  Whether you’re a freshman who is just starting your college career or you’re an upperclassman in need of a change in direction, the Student Union has your back! This simple guide will help you pick your future career in a matter of minutes! In the following flow chart, white boxes represent a ‘yes’ answer, black boxes equal a ‘no’ answer and dark gray boxes equal a beginning or end.

Brandpoet Releases Marketing Campaign for Detroit Satellite Campus

Grammy-Nominated Artist to Play at Grace

WINONA LAKE, IN: Only faculty and some “super seniors” will remember the last time Grace brought a popular musician to campus. Five years ago, Isaac Slade, lead singer of The Fray tickled the ivories in the Rodeheaver Auditorium. Around that same time, 7-time Dove award winner, Steve Green also made an appearance in the OCC with an audience full of homeschoolers.  

The leadership at Grace feels that it is time to bring in another world-renowned artist. Jim Swanson and many others in leadership have been working diligently the last few months making connections and trying to book an artist. It looks like that day is finally here. “We really just felt like we owed this to our current students,” said Swanson. “Music has the ability to transcend all differences and bring unity to a campus.” The team had the list narrowed down to five artists who had all agreed to play a show at Grace. According to Swanson, “the decision was between Mumford and Sons, The Fray, Coldplay, One Republic, and Nickleback.”

“I’d like to say it was a tough decision that required a lot of time and prayer, but we all know that would be a lie. After we had confirmation from Nickleback that they would be willing to play at show at grace, the decision was unanimous.

Apparently the Grace faculty and staff may be just as excited as the students. Dr. Donald DeYoung, chairman of the Department of Science and Mathematics, has been ecstatic since he heard the news. “Hmm, Nickleback coming to Grace College? Yeahhhhhh, you better believe I'll be there!,” said DeYoung.

It is also rumored that this could be the first Grace event other than chapel once a semester in which Dr. Manahan attends. “I’ve always been a huge Nickleback fan,” said Manahan. “For years I've been trying to convince the chapel band that the song, “If Today Was Your Last Day” is totally a worship song. If we sang that every chapel I would never miss.”

Tickets for the Nickleback concert on April 5th will be sold for $25 at TOL.

Grace Senior Suspended for Dealing Senioritis

WINONA LAKE, IN- Most people have heard the term ‘senioritis’ before, especially those around a college campus. This is where the confusion comes in. When people hear the term they assume some vague sort of laziness. For the large majority of people who use the term or even ‘suffer from’ senioritis that is what it means. However, for those more aware of what the term means, it is far more serious.

Very few people know that the term originated in the 60’s from a controlled substance. Colleges in the U.S. have a done a great job suppressing the topic and keeping it restricted to college seniors. However, this containment was breached this week at Grace College in Winona Lake, IN. Senior Timothy Nielsen was suspended for selling the controlled substance to a freshman. Campus Safety organized a sting on the students and caught them red handed behind the OCC conducting a transaction.

Campus safety director Glenn Goldsmith explained the sting this way, “The freshman [who’s identity hasn’t been revealed] was a straight A student in high school, and even made the Dean’s List last semester. Then suddenly grades dipped, he missed 7 chapels in a row, and wasn’t even motivated to play intramural sports anymore. We were fairly certain a controlled substance had to be in the mix, but secretly hoped that the student hadn’t gotten his hands on senioritis.”

Behavioral sciences professor Steve Grille had this to say, “Senioritis is highly addictive if introduced into a student too young. The longer a student is in the college the more resilient to the addictive properties they become. That’s why only seniors are allowed to have any. A freshman is so immature that he could become lackadaisical and apathetic for the rest of his life.”

Career services director, Denise Terry, offered to counsel the student on finding a job that will accommodate the laziness which is bound to stick with the freshman forever. The writers here at the student union did some research and the only documented cases of career successes after early onset of senioritis were in the fields of criminal justice, elementary education, and sports management.

It is unclear whether Nielsen had been providing other students with senioritis or not, but the campus administration has committed to a continued investigation. There is no word how long Nielsen’s suspension will last but it is rumored to be in the 2-5 semester range. One could conclude that Nielsen’s education has been thoroughly unimagined.

19th Time's the Charm

Pictured above: Jessica checking her mail

WINONA LAKE, IN: After checking her mailbox for the 19th time today, Freshman student, Jessica McCormick finally received a Valentines Day card.

"It's about time!" shouted Jessica after spending five minutes fumbling to get her box open. After shuffling through pointless papers advertising events she has no interest in, Jessica spotted her one and only Valentines Day card.

"My mind was racing so fast, I tried to play it cool so those around me wouldn't notice, but i'm sure they did."

What happened next was Jessica's, and every other girls', worst nightmare. "I was really hoping it would be from that cute guy who was in my breakout group. I mean, we were both ESTP's so we would be "totes compats" (editors note: apparently that is short for totally compatible). Jessica's card wasn't from the cute ESTP, in fact, it wasn't even from her parents. This year it looks like Jessica's only Valentine will be from Dr. Limes, her dentist from back home.

Pictured above: Jessica's only Valentines Day card

Jessica was first concerned when she opened up the card and saw a picture of a tooth on the cover. According to Jessica, the inside of the card read, "Roses are red, violets are blue, it's time for your annual check-up, too!"

"I was so mad!" explained a still upset Jessica. "It would be one thing if my dentist was cute, but he's 64 years old and smells like mothballs. I didn't even recycle the card, that's how mad I was."

Despite today's disappointment, Jessica remains optimistic. "Hey, Easter is coming up right? I can't think of a better time for someone to express their love to me. Well, besides today..."

Jazzman's Offering Free Ice Cream

Jazzman's offering free ice cream 

to all the single ladies.

Tonight only!

Grace Introduces New Varsity Sport

WINONA LAKE, IN: It has long been debated about which new sport Grace would implement. While many have though it would be football, Grace College has decided to change it’s athletic department in a bigger way. On February 1, the Grace College Board of Trustees unanimously voted to build a bobsled track on campus and fund a varsity team. It is part of a bigger initiative to put Grace on the map.

“Not many schools have bobsled tracks on campus! This will continue to build on the strong athletic tradition we have,” said Athletic Director Bailey Weathers. “We have been looking at the athletic eligibility rules and we think we will be able to bring some Grace all-stars to make up our first team. Expect to see some Grace Hall of Famers to be the first to put on those spandex suits!”

The bobsled program will also help with recruiting. Admissions Director Cindy Sisson believes that international enrollment will skyrocket as a result. “Honestly, we expect to go from one Jamaican on campus this year, to four next year alone. Bobsledding is a national pastime there. By 2020 we project that our campus will have 15 Jamaican students, 20 Scandinavian kids, and 1 angry Swiss guy; all that thanks to bobsledding.”

It is also rumored that as Grace tries to leverage athletic events to put its name on the map (NCCAA basketball championships for example), that they will put in a formal bid for the 2022 Winter Olympics. That would of course involve building a couple bigger hills for the downhill skiing competitions, but Alpha Hill is already about 50% of the required size for such events.

If that scenario were to play out it is thought that Kent hall would be torn down to make space for the Olympic village.

Scandal Unfolds After Grace’s Senior Class Trip

WINONA LAKE, IN- This past week was supposed to be a week of fun and relaxation for members of the senior class at Grace College.  It was time for the annual senior class trip, which involved an all expenses paid trip to Kalahari. Unfortunately for seniors, their special time was marred by deception and theft.

Just one day after the trip of was over a careless tweet popped the lid off of the scandal. A junior had posed as a senior and gone on the trip. Tamara Shelton, a junior studying Elementary Education tweeted this on Friday, “haha! i might not have enough credits to be a senior, but i sure had as much fun as one!” This revelation seems to explain a tweet during the first of senior trip, which simply said, “lolz espionage is fun!!!!! lolz! rofl!”

The seniors, who took a resort trip to the Kalahari Desert in South Africa, were infuriated when they found out the truth. The senior class president released a statement condemning Tamara’s actions. “We are very disappointed that someone would not only lie about their academic status, but would also steal fun from the senior class. I mean who on earth thinks it’s okay to actually steal fun? We believe that juniors need to remember their place; the 90-credit barrier has been long established and exists for a reason. They would do well to recognize it.”

Across the campus opinions on the incident vary greatly. Freshman Dylon McTavish idolizes Shelton’s actions, “I mean how cool is that? She’s like a Grace College James Bond. Someday I hope I can be half as successful at lying as her!”

Dean of Students, Jim Swanson said he will be pushing for strong punishments. “Expulsion seems fair, right?”

There is no word yet on how school president Ronald McManahan will deal with the situation.

Real Food Found in Bowl of Human Hair

Caitlin's bowl of human hair--with an unwelcome addition.

WINONA LAKE – Senior officials at Sodexo confirmed late Wednesday evening that food was unintentionally found on a Grace student’s plate of surgical needles.

After ordering a plate of dirty, used surgical needles at Alpha Dining, student Steven McPherson was stunned to find a tiny dollop of mashed potatoes placed on top of his meal.

The student said he was eating lunch from the Health Foods section of the dining hall on Monday when he discovered a small portion of what appeared to be mashed potatoes that somehow got mixed in with Sodexo surgical needles.

“I looked down and noticed a weird white, mushy substance that resembled a potato placed right on top of all my needles, almost as if it were intentional,” McPherson said. “I’m just glad that I didn’t take a bite of it.”

A similar incident happened only a few days later when Caitlin Stewart was astonished to find a strand of spaghetti in her human hair pasta bowl.

“I ordered Human Hair Pasta with a simple greasy topping from the Locks of Love Bar,” said Stewart. “After taking a bite I noticed something almost blond. And seeing that I ordered the Red Head pasta bowl I became a little concerned.”

Sodexo regrets these accidents and is glad to learn that the students were not harmed by the potato or spaghetti. “We are investigating how something like this could have made its way into our products,” the company’s president stated.  

At the moment, many suspect these foods were introduced into the meal at the factory where Alpha Dining surgical needles and Human Hair Pasta are produced. However, another possibility is that these edibles may have accidentally been slipped in at the kitchen of Alpha Dining.

The Grace College’s Officer for the Character, Competence, and Service of Alpha Dining stated, “Sodexo has persistently provided us with a quality product and these are the first incidences in our years of business together. Their attention to culinary excellence and quality has always been remarkable and we are not going hold this against them. We trust this is a rare occurrence and we can guarantee that students will never find food like this ever again at Alpha Dining.”

For quality purposes, if you’ve ever received food from Alpha Dining that you do not believe was up to Grace College standards, please comment below with your experiences. We’d love to make each meal better than the last!

NEWS IN PICTURES: FLYBY AND BY AND BY

After 19 Attempts, Grace College Finally Found 

From the Air

Student Files Lawsuit Against Grace College

Pictured above: Alex Owl preparing for his trial.

WINONA LAKE: Grace College is experiencing difficult times this week after a student has announced he will be be suing the school.

Sophomore student Alex Owl has officially announced that he will be suing Grace College for not clearly explaining what to expect when it comes to weather, specifically Winter. Owl, who has been less than pleased with the brutal winter conditions had the idea after taking Dr. Bill Gordon’s class, “Business Law.” Having passed the class with an A, Alex now believes he has the skill set necessary to take Grace College to court and come out victorious.

Alex, who is a Business major, is looking to sue Grace for false advertising. Alex believes he is entitled to pain and suffering damages, at which he estimates to be worth $15,000.

“It’s just not right. The admissions office should have told me what to expect when I was looking to come here. I’m a Cali boi!! I heard this place had some legit lakes that I could do some wakeboarding on,” explained Owl. Alex can now be found huddled up in his cold Beta room, tweeting about his troubles. One recent tweet from Owl describes his displeasure towards the weather “#thatawkwardmomentwhen your hair freezes walking to chapel.  #smh #indianawinter #missinghome.” Even some of Owl’s friends have gotten annoyed. “It’s at the point where literally the only thing the kid talks about is the weather,” said Alex’s RA.

Grace was not available for comment, but it is safe to assume Dr. Gordon will be representing Grace College.

NEWS IN PICTURES: FOREVER LAZY

The New and Convenient Way To Remain Single

Bridal Expo Event: Perfect for a First Date!

WINONA LAKE: Students at Grace College have returned for the Spring Semester and have already begun looking to make progress on their New Years resolutions. For many of the women at Grace, this means finding a husband.

According to Dr. Slaughter, Professor of Psychology, "During these winter months in can be extremely difficult for Grace women to find a significant other. There are many reasons for this, but the biggest I have found is to be the cold weather. People just don't like to venture outside in below freezing temps. Girls also tend to believe that wearing "UGGS" with leggings is "totally adorable," an opinion no other guys share. Let's be honest, guys just aren't looking for the bride of their youth during the winter".

Although things may look dim for Grace women there are still steps that can be taken to get that coveted "ring by spring".

Two weeks from now the second annual Warsaw Bridal Expo will be taking place in the Orthopedic Capital Center. This expo provides brides-to-be with valuable opportunities to meet with professionals in the wedding industry. This event is perfect for growth groups, sports teams, dorm halls, even for a first date!

Event planner, Mik Naihsadrak wants all Grace girls to feel welcome. “It’s never too early to start planning that special day! The important thing is to make sure you have all the details figured out, then you can get to work on finding that special man,” said Mik.

There is no word yet if students in the Marriage and Family class will receive extra credit for attending the event.

Alpha To Revolutionize How You View Food

WINONA LAKE: In what is being considered a long overdue necessity, Grace College has announced plans to publish it’s very first book.

Director of Alpha Dining Mark Bragg was first approached with the idea to compile his knowledge and expertise into a cookbook several years ago. “At the time I thought it was a decent idea, but I was afraid if I told all of my secrets than no one would have a need to eat at Alpha anymore,” said Bragg. This new cookbook will feature detailed recipes of all Alpha meals, including favorites like, Rice-Ruined with Tofu, Mystery Mash, and Corn Dogs on a Stick.

It’s no secret that Alpha Dining creates some of the best college meals in the country, which is primarily why Grace College is consistently named to the “Top 100 Colleges in the Midwest”. Bragg, who has been the man behind the spatula for over 15 years isn’t shy about his talent. “People always ask me what it’s like to be a hero on campus, but I’m not sure hero is the right word. I would describe myself as more of a legend. After all, every time we have alumni get together the most talked about experiences of their college career always involves Alpha food.”

Rumor of the planned cookbook has generated a lot of buzz on campus lately. According to senior Paul Robertson, “I’m just finally looking forward to learning what exactly I’ve been putting in my body for the last four years....Actually, on second thought, maybe I don’t want to know.”

Freshman Julienne Swift is also looking forward to the new cookbook. “My boyfriend just lovessssss Alpha food, so I can’t wait to learn how to make all of his fave recipes!”

With the release of the new cookbook, Mark is planning to start a ‘Baking with Braggs’ class. This class will incorporate the essentials of cooking and baking, Alpha-style. Each class member will cook along side Bragg and then be treated to a 5-course meal in the legendary Alumni Room. Cost of the experience will be $25 or 25 Alpha scans.  

World Champion Joins Grace

WINONA LAKE: A new semester is upon us, and with it also enters new challenges, classes, and transfer students. Due to the great success of the new Reimagine program, Grace has seen an influx of transfer students. Typically these transfers are just your everyday student; that is, except one.

Little does anyone know, they have been walking on the same ground as a legend (and we aren't talking about Billy Sunday).

Parker Hoffman is a unique Sophomore transfer from Bob Jones University. We took a moment from Parker's busy schedule to sit down and get to know him better.

GCSU: So Parker, tell us a little bit about yourself.

Parker: Well, i'm just your everyday guy. I enjoy things most kids my age do; computers, video games, pizza, minesweeper, rollerblading, watching Jeopardy, instant messaging. Yeah, that's about it.

GCSU: Awesome. So Parker, there is one thing that distinguishes you from everyone here at Grace, why don't you tell us about that?

Parker: Yeah, sure. I'm a former pogs National Champion. No big deal.

GCSU: Now for those readers who are not familiar with pogs, could you explain just what exactly it is?

Pictured above: Just a few of Parker's favorite pogs.

Parker: Yeah. I mean, everyone should know what pogs is. It was only the greatest game for 2 months during 1995. But basically you play against an opponent, you each put five of your pogs facedown (i have a collection of over 2,500 pogs) you then take turns using your slammer and throw it down on the stack, trying to get as many pogs to turn face-side up. The winner takes the opponents pogs.

GCSU: Fascinating. So how did you first get into playing, and why are you still playing today?

Parker: Well I was homeschooled, so my mom thought it would be a great way to meet new friends. Boy was she right! Back in '94 I traveled to Florida for the pogs National Tournament, which I won. I continue to play today because I am so good.

GCSU: So Parker, what made you transfer to Grace? Was it the fact that Warsaw is the orthopaedic capital of the world, the new 3 year program, or was it the great options at Alpha Dining?

Parker: Neither. Bob Jones decided that pogs was a form of gambling so they outlawed it.

GCSU: Well Parker, it's been great getting to know you. Before we go, do you have plans on trying to get Grace students interested in pogs?

Parker: Do I ever! I am in the process of making a presentation to student senate to form a POGS club here at Grace. I am also hoping to establish pogs as an official intramural sport.

GCSU: Well Parker, it's been great getting to know you and we wish you good luck in all of your pogs endeavors.

Parker: You are welcome. Also, be sure to add me as a friend on Myspace!

Freshman "Totally not even cold", Despite Wearing Shorts in the Middle of Winter

WINONA LAKE: Mother Nature has been up to her old ways this past week, sending single digit temps and the occasional snow storm. Grace students have been doing their best trying to stay warm. For most students this means bundeling up in heavy winter jackets, gloves, hats, scarves, UGG boots, etc. However not everyone is feeling the wrath of Winter.

Freshman student, Kyle Irwin can be found walking around on campus wearing shorts. That's right, shorts. In the dead of Winter. Kyle, who is a freshman living in Beta doesn't see anything wrong in his wardrobe choice. "Man, it's not even that cold out! Plus, these are my sweet zip-off pants. So when it finally does get cold, I can just zip on the bottoms!" stated Kyle when interviewed. Though Kyle may see nothing wrong with his choice to forgo wearing pants, his friends feel differently.

Pictured above: Kyle Irwin running.

"Kyle was cool for awhile, but it's kind of embarrassing being around him now. People are starting to stare at us", stated a close friend of Kyle (whom asked to remain anonymous). Apparently this is nothing new for Kyle. Even Kyle's RA had to address the issue. "A few days ago I got a Facebook message from his mom, asking me to make sure her "little Kyle-while" was dressing warm", said Kyle's RA.

There is no word yet on if Campus Safety will intervene and issue a fine for lack of common sense.