Student Files Lawsuit Against Grace College

Pictured above: Alex Owl preparing for his trial.

WINONA LAKE: Grace College is experiencing difficult times this week after a student has announced he will be be suing the school.

Sophomore student Alex Owl has officially announced that he will be suing Grace College for not clearly explaining what to expect when it comes to weather, specifically Winter. Owl, who has been less than pleased with the brutal winter conditions had the idea after taking Dr. Bill Gordon’s class, “Business Law.” Having passed the class with an A, Alex now believes he has the skill set necessary to take Grace College to court and come out victorious.

Alex, who is a Business major, is looking to sue Grace for false advertising. Alex believes he is entitled to pain and suffering damages, at which he estimates to be worth $15,000.

“It’s just not right. The admissions office should have told me what to expect when I was looking to come here. I’m a Cali boi!! I heard this place had some legit lakes that I could do some wakeboarding on,” explained Owl. Alex can now be found huddled up in his cold Beta room, tweeting about his troubles. One recent tweet from Owl describes his displeasure towards the weather “#thatawkwardmomentwhen your hair freezes walking to chapel.  #smh #indianawinter #missinghome.” Even some of Owl’s friends have gotten annoyed. “It’s at the point where literally the only thing the kid talks about is the weather,” said Alex’s RA.

Grace was not available for comment, but it is safe to assume Dr. Gordon will be representing Grace College.

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Bridal Expo Event: Perfect for a First Date!

WINONA LAKE: Students at Grace College have returned for the Spring Semester and have already begun looking to make progress on their New Years resolutions. For many of the women at Grace, this means finding a husband.

According to Dr. Slaughter, Professor of Psychology, "During these winter months in can be extremely difficult for Grace women to find a significant other. There are many reasons for this, but the biggest I have found is to be the cold weather. People just don't like to venture outside in below freezing temps. Girls also tend to believe that wearing "UGGS" with leggings is "totally adorable," an opinion no other guys share. Let's be honest, guys just aren't looking for the bride of their youth during the winter".

Although things may look dim for Grace women there are still steps that can be taken to get that coveted "ring by spring".

Two weeks from now the second annual Warsaw Bridal Expo will be taking place in the Orthopedic Capital Center. This expo provides brides-to-be with valuable opportunities to meet with professionals in the wedding industry. This event is perfect for growth groups, sports teams, dorm halls, even for a first date!

Event planner, Mik Naihsadrak wants all Grace girls to feel welcome. “It’s never too early to start planning that special day! The important thing is to make sure you have all the details figured out, then you can get to work on finding that special man,” said Mik.

There is no word yet if students in the Marriage and Family class will receive extra credit for attending the event.

Alpha To Revolutionize How You View Food

WINONA LAKE: In what is being considered a long overdue necessity, Grace College has announced plans to publish it’s very first book.

Director of Alpha Dining Mark Bragg was first approached with the idea to compile his knowledge and expertise into a cookbook several years ago. “At the time I thought it was a decent idea, but I was afraid if I told all of my secrets than no one would have a need to eat at Alpha anymore,” said Bragg. This new cookbook will feature detailed recipes of all Alpha meals, including favorites like, Rice-Ruined with Tofu, Mystery Mash, and Corn Dogs on a Stick.

It’s no secret that Alpha Dining creates some of the best college meals in the country, which is primarily why Grace College is consistently named to the “Top 100 Colleges in the Midwest”. Bragg, who has been the man behind the spatula for over 15 years isn’t shy about his talent. “People always ask me what it’s like to be a hero on campus, but I’m not sure hero is the right word. I would describe myself as more of a legend. After all, every time we have alumni get together the most talked about experiences of their college career always involves Alpha food.”

Rumor of the planned cookbook has generated a lot of buzz on campus lately. According to senior Paul Robertson, “I’m just finally looking forward to learning what exactly I’ve been putting in my body for the last four years....Actually, on second thought, maybe I don’t want to know.”

Freshman Julienne Swift is also looking forward to the new cookbook. “My boyfriend just lovessssss Alpha food, so I can’t wait to learn how to make all of his fave recipes!”

With the release of the new cookbook, Mark is planning to start a ‘Baking with Braggs’ class. This class will incorporate the essentials of cooking and baking, Alpha-style. Each class member will cook along side Bragg and then be treated to a 5-course meal in the legendary Alumni Room. Cost of the experience will be $25 or 25 Alpha scans.  

World Champion Joins Grace

WINONA LAKE: A new semester is upon us, and with it also enters new challenges, classes, and transfer students. Due to the great success of the new Reimagine program, Grace has seen an influx of transfer students. Typically these transfers are just your everyday student; that is, except one.

Little does anyone know, they have been walking on the same ground as a legend (and we aren't talking about Billy Sunday).

Parker Hoffman is a unique Sophomore transfer from Bob Jones University. We took a moment from Parker's busy schedule to sit down and get to know him better.

GCSU: So Parker, tell us a little bit about yourself.

Parker: Well, i'm just your everyday guy. I enjoy things most kids my age do; computers, video games, pizza, minesweeper, rollerblading, watching Jeopardy, instant messaging. Yeah, that's about it.

GCSU: Awesome. So Parker, there is one thing that distinguishes you from everyone here at Grace, why don't you tell us about that?

Parker: Yeah, sure. I'm a former pogs National Champion. No big deal.

GCSU: Now for those readers who are not familiar with pogs, could you explain just what exactly it is?

Pictured above: Just a few of Parker's favorite pogs.

Parker: Yeah. I mean, everyone should know what pogs is. It was only the greatest game for 2 months during 1995. But basically you play against an opponent, you each put five of your pogs facedown (i have a collection of over 2,500 pogs) you then take turns using your slammer and throw it down on the stack, trying to get as many pogs to turn face-side up. The winner takes the opponents pogs.

GCSU: Fascinating. So how did you first get into playing, and why are you still playing today?

Parker: Well I was homeschooled, so my mom thought it would be a great way to meet new friends. Boy was she right! Back in '94 I traveled to Florida for the pogs National Tournament, which I won. I continue to play today because I am so good.

GCSU: So Parker, what made you transfer to Grace? Was it the fact that Warsaw is the orthopaedic capital of the world, the new 3 year program, or was it the great options at Alpha Dining?

Parker: Neither. Bob Jones decided that pogs was a form of gambling so they outlawed it.

GCSU: Well Parker, it's been great getting to know you. Before we go, do you have plans on trying to get Grace students interested in pogs?

Parker: Do I ever! I am in the process of making a presentation to student senate to form a POGS club here at Grace. I am also hoping to establish pogs as an official intramural sport.

GCSU: Well Parker, it's been great getting to know you and we wish you good luck in all of your pogs endeavors.

Parker: You are welcome. Also, be sure to add me as a friend on Myspace!

Freshman "Totally not even cold", Despite Wearing Shorts in the Middle of Winter

WINONA LAKE: Mother Nature has been up to her old ways this past week, sending single digit temps and the occasional snow storm. Grace students have been doing their best trying to stay warm. For most students this means bundeling up in heavy winter jackets, gloves, hats, scarves, UGG boots, etc. However not everyone is feeling the wrath of Winter.

Freshman student, Kyle Irwin can be found walking around on campus wearing shorts. That's right, shorts. In the dead of Winter. Kyle, who is a freshman living in Beta doesn't see anything wrong in his wardrobe choice. "Man, it's not even that cold out! Plus, these are my sweet zip-off pants. So when it finally does get cold, I can just zip on the bottoms!" stated Kyle when interviewed. Though Kyle may see nothing wrong with his choice to forgo wearing pants, his friends feel differently.

Pictured above: Kyle Irwin running.

"Kyle was cool for awhile, but it's kind of embarrassing being around him now. People are starting to stare at us", stated a close friend of Kyle (whom asked to remain anonymous). Apparently this is nothing new for Kyle. Even Kyle's RA had to address the issue. "A few days ago I got a Facebook message from his mom, asking me to make sure her "little Kyle-while" was dressing warm", said Kyle's RA.

There is no word yet on if Campus Safety will intervene and issue a fine for lack of common sense.