WINONA LAKE, IN- Most people have heard the term ‘senioritis’ before, especially those around a college campus. This is where the confusion comes in. When people hear the term they assume some vague sort of laziness. For the large majority of people who use the term or even ‘suffer from’ senioritis that is what it means. However, for those more aware of what the term means, it is far more serious.
Very few people know that the term originated in the 60’s from a controlled substance. Colleges in the U.S. have a done a great job suppressing the topic and keeping it restricted to college seniors. However, this containment was breached this week at Grace College in Winona Lake, IN. Senior Timothy Nielsen was suspended for selling the controlled substance to a freshman. Campus Safety organized a sting on the students and caught them red handed behind the OCC conducting a transaction.
Campus safety director Glenn Goldsmith explained the sting this way, “The freshman [who’s identity hasn’t been revealed] was a straight A student in high school, and even made the Dean’s List last semester. Then suddenly grades dipped, he missed 7 chapels in a row, and wasn’t even motivated to play intramural sports anymore. We were fairly certain a controlled substance had to be in the mix, but secretly hoped that the student hadn’t gotten his hands on senioritis.”
Behavioral sciences professor Steve Grille had this to say, “Senioritis is highly addictive if introduced into a student too young. The longer a student is in the college the more resilient to the addictive properties they become. That’s why only seniors are allowed to have any. A freshman is so immature that he could become lackadaisical and apathetic for the rest of his life.”
Career services director, Denise Terry, offered to counsel the student on finding a job that will accommodate the laziness which is bound to stick with the freshman forever. The writers here at the student union did some research and the only documented cases of career successes after early onset of senioritis were in the fields of criminal justice, elementary education, and sports management.
It is unclear whether Nielsen had been providing other students with senioritis or not, but the campus administration has committed to a continued investigation. There is no word how long Nielsen’s suspension will last but it is rumored to be in the 2-5 semester range. One could conclude that Nielsen’s education has been thoroughly unimagined.
Very few people know that the term originated in the 60’s from a controlled substance. Colleges in the U.S. have a done a great job suppressing the topic and keeping it restricted to college seniors. However, this containment was breached this week at Grace College in Winona Lake, IN. Senior Timothy Nielsen was suspended for selling the controlled substance to a freshman. Campus Safety organized a sting on the students and caught them red handed behind the OCC conducting a transaction.
Campus safety director Glenn Goldsmith explained the sting this way, “The freshman [who’s identity hasn’t been revealed] was a straight A student in high school, and even made the Dean’s List last semester. Then suddenly grades dipped, he missed 7 chapels in a row, and wasn’t even motivated to play intramural sports anymore. We were fairly certain a controlled substance had to be in the mix, but secretly hoped that the student hadn’t gotten his hands on senioritis.”
Behavioral sciences professor Steve Grille had this to say, “Senioritis is highly addictive if introduced into a student too young. The longer a student is in the college the more resilient to the addictive properties they become. That’s why only seniors are allowed to have any. A freshman is so immature that he could become lackadaisical and apathetic for the rest of his life.”
Career services director, Denise Terry, offered to counsel the student on finding a job that will accommodate the laziness which is bound to stick with the freshman forever. The writers here at the student union did some research and the only documented cases of career successes after early onset of senioritis were in the fields of criminal justice, elementary education, and sports management.
It is unclear whether Nielsen had been providing other students with senioritis or not, but the campus administration has committed to a continued investigation. There is no word how long Nielsen’s suspension will last but it is rumored to be in the 2-5 semester range. One could conclude that Nielsen’s education has been thoroughly unimagined.
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